Runaway Train
by Jellicle
Summary: This is a song fic based on the events from Spin City, centered on Chris feelings, thoughts, actions and reactions. I changed the final and posted a new one on July 29. I hope you enjoy it.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Runaway Train

Disclaimers: Unfortunately I don't own Charmed nor its characters. If I did, I'd give Chris a much better life, for sure. Please, just don't sue me. I just love that song, which by the way I don't own either, and I think it fits perfectly to Chris. And since I love him, I had to do that especially to him.

Feedback: Please, it will be truly appreciated.

Archive: Just have to ask.

A/N: English is not my native language so please forgive me for bad grammar and foolish mistakes.

This fic is set after "Spin City" events, which by the way I just watched (talk about living on another country). And to understand this fic better, I recommend listening to the song "Runaway Train" by Soul Asylum.

Well, I guess that's all! Hope you enjoy. Review, please!

Chris woke up covered in cold sweat. He looked around for a few seconds trying to place himself in time and space. He then looked down at his long legs resting on the arm of the sofa. The Old Grandfather's clock announced two a.m., definitely bringing him back to reality. The manor was silent. He knew everybody was sleeping and he wondered if his father was upstairs or "Up There".

That was a tough night. A night to forget, he whispered to himself. Maybe he could catch the memory spell and make everybody forget what happened. He wanted his father to forget that he is his son. Make everybody forget that he helped the spider demon and because of that he almost lost his mom. He wanted to forget that he turned into a demon, not for the first time, as matter of fact. And what he did to Leo. His head was aching and he slowly got up and walked towards the living room, heading to the stairs. He knew where aspirins were. He took them a lot when he was younger. Migraines. He always had them.

After taking the pills Chris went to the kitchen and managed to fix himself a sandwich when he noticed he wasn't alone anymore. He slowly turned to see who was behind him.

"Sorry that I woke you up." – he begun to apologize, but Piper raised her right hand telling him to stop.

"You don't need to apologize." She smiled and walked toward the kitchen taking a seat next to the counter. "Would you mind fixing something for me, too?" She asked with and put her best smile.

"Sure." – he said smiling back to him beloved mother.

They ate in silence. Piper looked to her son with concern. She knew he was upset. She could feel that. Suddenly, she decided to voice her thoughts.

"It was not your fault." – Piper started.

Chris stopped in the middle of a bite and looked down ashamed. Piper sighed and decided to continue.

"You were infected. You were not yourself. And you're under stress. And I can't even begin to imagine how much stress it is." Chris didn't respond nor moved so she got up from her seat and walked to him, holding him tight. She felt his body tense at first as if he was holding his breath. Then he sighed heavily and she felt him relaxing on her arms. "I missed you so much." He whispered and Piper tried hard to hold back her tears. "I love you, sweetie." She whispered on his ear and felt his arms wrapping around hers.

Phoebe was going to the kitchen for a glass of water but stopped next to the door. When she saw her sister and nephew she wheeled around and went back to her room with a smile on her face.

Tbc


	2. Chapter 2

****

After Piper went back to bed, Chris decided to orb to the top of the Golden Gate Bridge. He didn't even know why he decided to go there. It was his father's favorite spot but he just discovered it when he came back to the past.

Chris sat down on the highest place and let his thoughts flow. There was so much on his mind that he couldn't bare any longer. Sometimes he felt close to losing it. And that night he almost did.

He felt ashamed. Not of what he had done to his father. Somehow, that made him feel relieved. But he was ashamed for exposing himself that way he did. It was the first time it happened. He let his fury, sorrow, pain and resentment flow through his veins. God, his heart was aching and he couldn't imagine that such pain would even exist.

Sometimes he wanted to tell his mom and aunts everything. All about his past. He knew they'd do lots of things different. But what if it didn't work as expected? He didn't want to take chances. He couldn't. It was way too dangerous.

Sometimes he misses the times when he trusted Wyatt. He misses his own innocence and how he used to follow his old brother blindly, believing that everything Wyatt did was for a good reason, even when it didn't look that way. Deep in his heart Chris knows that some things he did were a reflection of what he learned from Wyatt. 'The end justifies the means'. Wyatt loved that sentence and used it a lot. And Chris used it to justify himself, too. Again, he felt ashamed. When he was younger he wanted to be like Wyatt. Now all he wanted was to Wyatt be different.

Chris was so absorbed that he didn't hear the sound of someone orbing near him. He didn't notice, or pretended not to notice, his father's presence but couldn't avoid him anymore when Leo finally spoke.

"Can we talk?"


	3. Chapter 3

Chris orbed to a park near the manor, where Piper used to take him and Wyatt when they're kids. It was dark, silent and lonely at that time in the morning. His eyes were filled with tears, but he refused to cry. His voice almost betrayed him before when he was talking to Leo, he was aware of it. He felt desperation taking the best of him. All he wanted was to save his brother and maybe, when he came back to his own time, he'd find his mother there, alive. Then he'd find out it was all a terrible nightmare and nothing had really happened. His brother never became a power freak, his mom never died, his father never became a Elder too worried about and busy because of his older son's destiny.

Chris had avoided Leo as much as he could. He never did anything to really win his trust because he never meant to do that. His father was never much of a factor in his life. Leo used to see Chris more like an innocent than a witch or a potential whitelighter for that matter, so he told the Charmed Ones and Wyatt to watch over the younger Halliwell boy. And despite Wyatt's odd behavior Leo was always there for him. On the other hand, Wyatt never left Chris alone. He listened to his younger brother when he needed to talk. He was the one who immediately brought Victor when Piper died, so Chris wouldn't feel so lonely and lost.

That's why Chris always believed there was a chance to save his older brother after all. He knew that in some place deep down in Wyatt's heart there was a person who cared.

Chris remembered well the times when Leo came and took Wyatt for days in order to train him and his magic. Wyatt always managed to 'escape' once in a while just to check on his little brother. Chris always loved and trusted in Wyatt.

The young man took a deep breath and rested his chin on his knees. That was the problem. His love and admiration for his brother blinded him for too long.

He always knew he wasn't as powerful and strong as Wyatt. He just found out he could orb when he was eight and discovered his telekinesis when he turned 10. He was definitely different from the other Halliwell boy. Wyatt always could do so many things that Chris couldn't help but recognize his inferiority complex towards him.

**_

* * *

_**

Chris felt the urge of stopping the pain that was growing inside him, but he didn't know how to. He was feeling defenseless, lonely and lost. He felt he was falling deep down quickly and shook his head trying to ease his mind. He shouldn't put his focus on himself right now. He had more important things to do so he finally got up and after another deep sad sigh he orbed back to the Manor.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimers: Please, see chapter 1.

A/N: Thank you all for your kind reviews! I so loved them! Actually, I'm so happy with my Charmed fics. I've received more reviews for them than to the fic from the others fandoms I write about. Thank you all who review. Please, keep the reviews coming! They're great to light up my days.

A/N2: This chapter is a little different from the others. In fact, it was a little hard to write it, but I already have the next one figured out. This is for us all Chrisaholics!

Now, let put this show on the road.

Chapter 4

Chris was sitting on a chair in the sunroom watching Wyatt playing with his toys. The house was silent, except for the toddler's gigglers. Piper was upstairs, taking a nap. Chris couldn't help but feel guilty. His mother has been tired and extra worried lately. Worried about Wyatt. And worried about him.

The young Halliwell was worried, too. Although he tried to look fine around his mom and aunts, he didn't feel that way at all. He was feeling tired, lost, lonely and empty. He knew these feelings very well. It was something that had been haunting him forever.

The young man was so absorbed in his own thoughts he didn't notice the colored blocks dancing in front of him at first. When he finally looked down to his brother he saw the little one looking at him. If Wyatt wasn't so young, Chris would swear the little boy was looking at him with concern. So the 22-year-old gave up and smiled at the child in front of him, cocking his head to the side amazed. Wyatt was there, one year old, and yet he was his older brother. And despite the fact that the older version of Wyatt tried to kill Chris only months ago, it was obvious that the little one cared about him.

Wyatt orbed himself to his brother's alp and begun clapping, smiling widely. In return, Chris begun tickling him.

Later that day Chris was sitting by the window in the attic watching as the sky slowly turned from bright blue to a darken one. It was going be a starry night with a beautiful moon. Downstairs he knew Piper was telling stories to Wyatt, trying to make him sleep. In a couple of months he knew she'd be doing the same with his baby self and she'd keep doing that for long since he always loved to hear her voice. Chris remembered that after a while he knew all stories by heart and Wyatt would beg for their mom to stop but Chris would always ask for more. He could stay there listening to her loving voice forever.

Leo entered the attic slowly not knowing exactly how Chris would react. He found his son absent-mindedly looking to the sky.

"Hey." – Leo tried but Chris didn't answer, so he approached a little more until he was by his son's side.

"Why aren't you helping mom putting Wyatt in bed?" – Chris asked without taking his eyes off the window.

"I'm not here only for Wyatt. I'm here for you, too." – Leo said, his hand reaching for his son's shoulder.

"Don't!" – Chris said, before Leo could touch him.

"Chris, I want to know you." Leo pleaded.

"It doesn't matter." – Chris answered bitterly.

"Listen to me. You can't, you know, you can't run away forever. You can't avoid me forever. One day you'll have to understand that I'm trying, I'm trying really hard here. And that I do care about you. That I... love you..." Leo cried, but Chris had already orbed before he finished his last sentence.

tbc


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thanks for all the kind reviews. Please, keep them going. This is a lighter chapter, because of course Chris deserves a light moment, doesn't he? Oh, just to explain, in my fic Piper doesn't go to the Magic School right after the spider demon attack. Just to let you know.

Now, on to the story. Enjoy!

Chris was in front of a door trying to decide if he should knock on it or not. He stared at it for a moment or two, not really knowing what to do. In the back of his mind he could hear his aunts and his mother calling him but he could say by the tone of their voices that they're not in danger or angry. They were just worried, so he decided to ignore them.

The emerald-eyes boy stretched his arm and rung the bell. He just needed to wait a little before he could hear footsteps on the other side of the door. Finally he heard it being unlocked and panicked for a second. He thought of orbing away but decided against it.

"Chris?" – The man in front of the young Halliwell opened a bright smile when he saw him. "C'mon in. Welcome." He took a step aside to let the witch/whitelighter in. When Chris got into the apartment the first thing he noticed was a bunch of pictures on a sideboard. He looked closer and saw something he didn't expect. A picture of him.

"Your mother gave me that when I went to visit you. Well, when I went to meet you, in fact." Victor explained picking the picture with one hand to have a better look at it and resting his other hand on his younger grandson's shoulder.

"I didn't even know that picture exists." Chris said, while he was hugging his grandfather. "Sorry for coming here without letting you know first, grandpa..." The young man begun to apologize but was cut by his grandfather.

"I guess you need to talk, right?" Victor said matter of factly, and was pleased when he could see in Chris' eyes that he was right. He headed the boy to the couch and asked. "Wanna drink something? A soda, maybe?"

"A beer would be just fine..." Chris said, laughing. He knew Victor was still getting used to the fact that the 22 year-old boy was his grandson, but Chris knew that Victor Bennett loved him. He started loving him the first moment he knew he was his grandson.

"Piper won't be angry at me?" Victor asked as Chris mentioned a beer.

"Well, no as soon as you don't tell her. I'm an adult, remember?"

They both laughed. Chris had pointed out the fact that the two men would get along perfectly in the future, and the old man could feel that their bond was already there.

They stayed there talking small talk for a while. In his head, Chris started to hear his mother calling him again. He thought for a second and then decided to ask his grandpa a favor.

"Grandpa, would you call mom and say that I'm here and that I'm okay?"

Victor looked surprised.

"She doesn't know you're here?"

Chris didn't answer but his guilty look was clear enough for Victor.

"You should not do that to her, young man. You know how she worries about you." Chris just nodded, ashamed. "Are you sure you don't want to call her yourself?" Victor asked.

"I'd prefer you talk to her. Just let her know I'll be back home soon."

Victor raised an eyebrow and was about to ask something but decided to do that later, so he picked up the phone and dialed the Manor's number.

Chris waited in silence while Victor talked to Piper, all the time reassuring her that the boy was fine. Chris was sure Piper wouldn't mention to her father the incident with the spider-demon, but she'd probably tell him about the fact that Chris was avoiding Leo.

After a couple of minutes, Victor finally turned off the phone and sat calmly on the couch beside Chris.

Chris didn't say a word. His eyes were fixed in some lost spot on the floor. He felt his grandfather's hand rubbing his back gently and with no strength to hold on anymore, he finally let his tears flow. Victor, seeing how his grandson was shaking, pulled him into a hug, and they stayed that way for a while, until Chris calmed down and pulled himself together.

"Better now?" Victor asked, not wanting to push the boy. He knew Chris had a lot of things burning inside his mind and inside his heart. He could clearly see that his grandson was in pain. He wished he could do anything, anything to ease that pain. He felt helplessly but he decided he'd try his best to help the young Halliwell.

"Yeah, thanks," Chris managed to say, wiping his tears with the back of his hands. Chris sighed heavily before continuing. "I've been on a rollercoaster lately."

"Wanna sleep here tonight? I have an extra bedroom..." Victor begun, then realized, "well, you probably know that, isn't it?"

Chris smiled at his grandfather's comment.

"Yeah, we used to come here all the time, Wyatt and me. You put two beds there, and bought a computer and video games. And bikes, so we could go to the Central Park and spend the morning there." Chris seemed to relax thinking about these memories. Memories of a happy childhood. Chris looked up to his grandpa and asked unsure. "Are you sure there won't a problem, you know, me staying here?"

"Absolutely not." Victor answered; we_'ll have plenty of time to talk, son. I know you need to talk. _

Tbc


	6. New Final

A/N: I had posted the last chapter of this fic a while ago, but I was not really happy with its ending. Well, I wrote a new short ending, which in my opinion, fits better the whole idea of this songfic.

I want to thank you all who reviewed. And I want to thank Drew Fuller for creating this character named Christopher "Perry" Halliwell, who in so many ways is just like me, and who inspires me to write things, who brings my feelings to the surface. Writing Chris centered fics is a catharsis for me and for this I thank you.

I hope you enjoy this little piece, almost out of place, but that made me believe is the best way to really finish this work.

One more important quick note: This last chapter is from Chris POV.

I wish I could just walk away. Forget everything. Forget that this little brother of mine will grow up to become the ruler of all evil, a power freak, a monster.

There's so much that I know. So much that only I know.

I wish I could see hope out there. But hope lays on me. Now take a step closer and look at me. How can I be somebody's only hope? How can I be the future's only chance? I'm nobody. I'm just a stupid guy who thought he'd play a super hero and save the day.

This emptiness inside me doesn't let me breath and I am scared. Because this seems worse than the pain I've been holding for so long, and I can't stand, I can't stand the pain.

I can't look at my hands, because every time I do I see your blood, and then I see your face and rage runs through my veins all over again.

There's no need of poison to cause me this, no need of external influence. I just need this pain inside of me. I just need this fear that eats me inside.

Everything I do, everything I did is because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of being alone. For some many years I've been fighting believing that I was on the right side, I was at my brother's side. I didn't see, or better, I didn't want to see that he was on the wrong side. He was walking the road our family died fighting. And I can't allow myself to let them down.

Because I always felt like I let you down, somehow. I don't know how, I don't know why, but the feeling was always there. It was always written on your face every single time you looked at me.

I wish I could ask you what I did wrong, but you wouldn't know the answer. You weren't there yet. Damn time travel thing.

Mom keeps saying that I can't blame you for what you didn't do. But what about me? What about all I went through, all the times I tried to make you happy, to impress you, to make you see that I was there, too. That I exist. What about all the pain that keeps hurting and breaking my heart into thousand pieces.

I know I sound like a child, like scared child, there is.

God! How I wish I'd find her there alive when I come back home. How I want to come back home and find my room in its usual mess and hear her voice telling me to clean it up before going on another vanquish. How I want to need to knock on the door of my brother's room and yell at him asking him to low his music. And I know he turns it even louder just to annoy me.

How I want to have the typical family diners once a week, despite the fact that we'd see each other everyday.

Maybe I feel this way.

Maybe someday we'll find a way to get through this.

Maybe someday you'll understand me.

Maybe someday I'll try and listen to you.

Maybe someday.

But not today.

Today I wish I could take a runaway train and disappear. But it would be selfish.

Everybody says I'm so my mom. That this tendency, inclination to be a martyr is just one more thing I inherited from her.

I don't know. Maybe they're right. And if so, I can only feel proud of being so much like her. Because she is the only one that matters. Mom, and Wyatt. They're my family.

Anyway, I can't be selfish. I can't keep running to hide under grandpa's protection.

One day I'll have to face you and see what happens.

One day.

But not today.

Today I want to close my eyes and wait till the pain goes away.

The real end.


End file.
